An excerpt from Parenting with an Attitude...21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves

Sept 10, 2009
Raising angry-free kids who are confident and independent
Raising confident kids who are free of chronic anger requires parenting
skills that instill an appropriate sense of independence and
self-reliance. From the very moment our children are able to walk,
we must begin allowing and encouraging them to do for themselves.
To do so does not mean that we are lazy, nor that we do not
love them. It does not mean we are unavailable when our input is
needed. In fact, it usually takes more time and energy to help, assist,
and guide children than it does to simply do things for them.
The goal is not to raise kids who are so self-sufficient that they
do not need others. Certainly having an appropriate need for others
is the basis for healthy relationships, and it is true that “no
man is an island.” But it is essential to their health and well-being
that they grow up to be adults who are capable of taking care of
themselves.
When we consistently do for them what they should be able to
do for themselves, the final outcome will be kids—and eventually
adults—who are not only angry at us, but at the world as well,
because they are unable to do for themselves.
Discussion Questions:
1. When you were growing up did your parents encourage you to
remain dependent upon them?

2. How did their attitudes regarding independence/dependence
affect you as a kid? In what ways are you still affected?

3. Do you agree/disagree with the idea that parents must avoid
allowing kids to remain dependent upon them?

4. How would you assess the issue of dependence/independence
in your relationship with your kids?

5. If your kids are excessively dependent on you, what might
possibly motivate you to encourage them to be?

6. Do you see any unwanted side effects developing as a result of
their dependence?

7. If there is excessive or inappropriate dependence on you, what
are some ways you could change the pattern?