Is there anything more important in life than the relationship that exists between ourselves and the ones we love? Personally, I don't think so. It is for this reason that I developed parentingwithanattitude.blogspot.com
The purpose of my blog is two-fold: to help good parents become better parents, and to encourage married couples to thrive-not just survive-in their relationship. New thoughts and ideas will be added to
parentingwithanattitude.blogspot.com on a regular basis, and will consist of 6 primary areas regarding marriage and parenting(click on any of the 6 to read a further description):
1. A Monday morning thought for good parents who want to be better parents;
2. guest authors who will be writing articles that relate to either parenting, marriage or some other area of
relationships;
3. 21 habits of a healthy marriage that I will weigh in on;
4. 14 articles that address what I believe are important differences between punishment and discipline, as well as the differences between parental power and parental authority;
5. "What kids do and say that make us laugh and smile"-an opportunity for you to write in and share funny and touching stories from your observations of kids;
6. periodic excerpts and discussion questions taken directly from my book, Parenting with an Attitude.....21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves.
I hope you will "tune in" from time to time and see what new thoughts and ideas have been added.
Ed Wimberly, Ph.D.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
21 Habits of a Healthy Marriage
Habit #9: Treat your spouse as if today were his/her last.
Not too long ago I suggested this notion to a friend and he was not exactly impressed with the wisdom of such an idea. “If I were to act as if today were my wife’s last day on earth”, he retorted, “then I would literally not leave her side”. Fair enough. This is true. But in taking this idea to an extreme, my friend missed the point.
So what is the point of making it a habit to treat your spouse as if today were your last day together? A couple of thoughts come to mind.
First, there is the idea (and I would assume a goal that most of us have) of living in such a way that by the time it is our turn to exit this life, we have accumulated as few regrets as possible. Since to be human is to be hopelessly imperfect, it is inevitable that we all have some regrets we must accept and live with. But our greatest and most painful regrets usually occur as a result of having said or done something to the ones we love the most. Granted, when we are able to apologize or “take back” what we are sorry for and promise to do better next time, we are able to dilute the regret factor and move on with little or no harm; nonetheless, it is inevitable that the regret remains to some degree.
It might at first seem to go without saying that the death or loss of our partner dictates that it is really too late to apologize or to take back any hurtful remark, unfair or abusive behavior, or any other actions we might be sorry for. But it needs to be said, and we all need to be reminded, because it is easy for most of us to forget. When we live as if this were our last day with our spouse, we go a long way in avoiding any regrets we might not be able to deal with and dilute tomorrow.
Secondly, in spite of the fact that it is highly unlikely that today will actually be the last we spend with our spouse, when we keep in mind the remote possibility, it will likely encourage the kind of attitudes and behaviors that are necessary to nourish and grow the kind of relationship that we desire and value. Living as if this were our last day with the one we love and cherish will have a positive impact on how we conduct ourselves in the very relationship that is supposed to be the most important and meaningful one we will have during our lifetime.
So living as if today could possibly be the last with our spouse helps us avoid behaviors and attitudes that lead to regrets, and at the same time motivates us to act in ways which bring about a deeper and more satisfying relationship.
Ed Wimberly, Ph.D. is the author of PARENTING WITH AN ATTITUDE....21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves
Not too long ago I suggested this notion to a friend and he was not exactly impressed with the wisdom of such an idea. “If I were to act as if today were my wife’s last day on earth”, he retorted, “then I would literally not leave her side”. Fair enough. This is true. But in taking this idea to an extreme, my friend missed the point.
So what is the point of making it a habit to treat your spouse as if today were your last day together? A couple of thoughts come to mind.
First, there is the idea (and I would assume a goal that most of us have) of living in such a way that by the time it is our turn to exit this life, we have accumulated as few regrets as possible. Since to be human is to be hopelessly imperfect, it is inevitable that we all have some regrets we must accept and live with. But our greatest and most painful regrets usually occur as a result of having said or done something to the ones we love the most. Granted, when we are able to apologize or “take back” what we are sorry for and promise to do better next time, we are able to dilute the regret factor and move on with little or no harm; nonetheless, it is inevitable that the regret remains to some degree.
It might at first seem to go without saying that the death or loss of our partner dictates that it is really too late to apologize or to take back any hurtful remark, unfair or abusive behavior, or any other actions we might be sorry for. But it needs to be said, and we all need to be reminded, because it is easy for most of us to forget. When we live as if this were our last day with our spouse, we go a long way in avoiding any regrets we might not be able to deal with and dilute tomorrow.
Secondly, in spite of the fact that it is highly unlikely that today will actually be the last we spend with our spouse, when we keep in mind the remote possibility, it will likely encourage the kind of attitudes and behaviors that are necessary to nourish and grow the kind of relationship that we desire and value. Living as if this were our last day with the one we love and cherish will have a positive impact on how we conduct ourselves in the very relationship that is supposed to be the most important and meaningful one we will have during our lifetime.
So living as if today could possibly be the last with our spouse helps us avoid behaviors and attitudes that lead to regrets, and at the same time motivates us to act in ways which bring about a deeper and more satisfying relationship.
Ed Wimberly, Ph.D. is the author of PARENTING WITH AN ATTITUDE....21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves
Sunday, May 2, 2010
A Monday thought for good parents who want to be better parents
#21 “Our love and acceptance must not be used as a tool for persuading our kids to behave or to live up to our expectations”
Sunday, March 21, 2010
A Monday morning thought for good parents who want to be better parents
“Our love and acceptance must not be used as a tool for persuading our kids to behave or to live up to our expectations”
Ed Wimberly, author of "Parenting with an Attitude....21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves"
Ed Wimberly, author of "Parenting with an Attitude....21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves"
Sunday, March 7, 2010
A Monday morning thought for good parents who want to be better parents
Monday morning, March 7, 2010
Establishing appropriate boundaries for our kids
“Establishing boundaries within which our kids can then freely function is essential if they are to effectively consider the consequences of their behaviors”.
Ed Wimberly, author of "Parenting with an Attitude....21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves"
Establishing appropriate boundaries for our kids
“Establishing boundaries within which our kids can then freely function is essential if they are to effectively consider the consequences of their behaviors”.
Ed Wimberly, author of "Parenting with an Attitude....21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves"
Sunday, February 7, 2010
A Monday morning thought for good parents who want to be better parents
Giving our kids as many choices as possible
“When we consistently protect our kids from learning through their mistakes and the consequences that may follow, we rob them of independence and self-reliance”.
quote from Parenting with an Attitude....21 Questions Successful
“When we consistently protect our kids from learning through their mistakes and the consequences that may follow, we rob them of independence and self-reliance”.
quote from Parenting with an Attitude....21 Questions Successful
Saturday, February 6, 2010
An excerpt from, Parenting with an Attitude....21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves
Do I focus more on my kids' positive or negative behaviors?
We do our kids a great disservice when we neglect our responsibility
of giving them feedback that challenges them to grow and to
improve. If it is our goal to raise healthy and well-balanced kids, then
giving guidance by way of well placed and well worded corrective
feedback is an important part of the task and responsibility of accomplishing
this goal. Everyone can grow and improve from being
challenged and our kids are no exception.
They will also grow and prosper emotionally in response to
their consistently hearing positive reinforcement from their parents—
even when they may not have accomplished what they set out to do. When we tell them on a regular basis how well we think
they are doing and how much we believe in them, we help them
discover and to develop what it is they have to offer. And when we
focus more on their positive behaviors and less on any of the negatives
that could be ignored, we may even see some of their negative
behaviors fade without our having to address them.
Satisfaction and contentment in a job well done do not lead
to a decreased level of motivation in our kids. In fact both actually
provide much of the motivation necessary for continuing to do
their best. This is because both feelings of contentment and satisfaction
tend to have a “short shelf-life” and in order to maintain
them both, continued effort and success is necessary.
When we stress the negative in our kids, we run the risk of
breaking their spirit by undermining their enthusiasm, energy
and excitement for life. Without intending to do so, dwelling on
and emphasizing their negative qualities rather than their positive
qualities, can lead to a pattern of perfectionist tendencies that will
interfere with their ever feeling a sense of success or accomplishment.
Alternately, undue criticism may instead lead to what I refer
to as a "fallen perfectionist" pattern of behaving. When this occurs
they may lower their own expectations and goals in order to avoid
feeling guilty for falling short.
Ed Wimberly, author of Parenting with an Attitude
Discussion Questions:
1. When you were growing up did your parents focus more on
your positive or negative behaviors and efforts?
2. How did their positive (or negative) focus and feedback affect
you and your desire to achieve?
3. As a parent today, do you focus more on the negative behaviors
of your kids, or does your feedback emphasize their positive
qualities?
4. Do you see your feedback having an effect on their ability to
be content and satisfied?
5. Do you ever see signs of perfectionism that may be robbing
your kids of feeling contentment and satisfaction?
6. Do you ever see possible signs of a “fallen perfectionist” in
your kids?
7. What possible influence might you have on your kids and
their desire to achieve and improve, as well as their ability to
experience satisfaction?
We do our kids a great disservice when we neglect our responsibility
of giving them feedback that challenges them to grow and to
improve. If it is our goal to raise healthy and well-balanced kids, then
giving guidance by way of well placed and well worded corrective
feedback is an important part of the task and responsibility of accomplishing
this goal. Everyone can grow and improve from being
challenged and our kids are no exception.
They will also grow and prosper emotionally in response to
their consistently hearing positive reinforcement from their parents—
even when they may not have accomplished what they set out to do. When we tell them on a regular basis how well we think
they are doing and how much we believe in them, we help them
discover and to develop what it is they have to offer. And when we
focus more on their positive behaviors and less on any of the negatives
that could be ignored, we may even see some of their negative
behaviors fade without our having to address them.
Satisfaction and contentment in a job well done do not lead
to a decreased level of motivation in our kids. In fact both actually
provide much of the motivation necessary for continuing to do
their best. This is because both feelings of contentment and satisfaction
tend to have a “short shelf-life” and in order to maintain
them both, continued effort and success is necessary.
When we stress the negative in our kids, we run the risk of
breaking their spirit by undermining their enthusiasm, energy
and excitement for life. Without intending to do so, dwelling on
and emphasizing their negative qualities rather than their positive
qualities, can lead to a pattern of perfectionist tendencies that will
interfere with their ever feeling a sense of success or accomplishment.
Alternately, undue criticism may instead lead to what I refer
to as a "fallen perfectionist" pattern of behaving. When this occurs
they may lower their own expectations and goals in order to avoid
feeling guilty for falling short.
Ed Wimberly, author of Parenting with an Attitude
Discussion Questions:
1. When you were growing up did your parents focus more on
your positive or negative behaviors and efforts?
2. How did their positive (or negative) focus and feedback affect
you and your desire to achieve?
3. As a parent today, do you focus more on the negative behaviors
of your kids, or does your feedback emphasize their positive
qualities?
4. Do you see your feedback having an effect on their ability to
be content and satisfied?
5. Do you ever see signs of perfectionism that may be robbing
your kids of feeling contentment and satisfaction?
6. Do you ever see possible signs of a “fallen perfectionist” in
your kids?
7. What possible influence might you have on your kids and
their desire to achieve and improve, as well as their ability to
experience satisfaction?
Sunday, January 10, 2010
A Monday morning thought for good parents who want to be better parents
January 11, 2010
Listening to our kids
“We earn the right to be heard by our kids by first listening to what they have to say”.
Ed Wimberly is the author of Parenting With An Attitude....21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves
Listening to our kids
“We earn the right to be heard by our kids by first listening to what they have to say”.
Ed Wimberly is the author of Parenting With An Attitude....21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves
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